As this year comes to a close, I realise that this year I have learned a lot, above all else about myself. I have learned that there is still so much selfish-ness and foolish-ness and many more of such evil “Nessie” monsters that live rent-free in my heart. And since diagnosis is the very first step to a cure, I am very grateful to God for bringing these monsters to the surface out of the depths of my heart and for letting me see with my own eyes the havoc they wreak, first of all in my own life but then also in the lives of the people close to me.
In my newfound identity in Jesus Christ, these monsters are no longer part of me, I just choose to carry them around as pets. But I have a responsibility before God to get rid of them, to drown them, to cull them, so that I may live, in the fullness of life, by the grace of God. That’s the life he intended for us.
My main takeaway from this entire year is this:
Throughout my entire life, my one decision criterion for any decision in life used to be: “Is that nice?”
Would it be nice to do that? Would it be nice to respond in this way to this situation or that person? Would it be nice to have this or that?
But I was wrong. This is the wrong criterion and it has led me to this point in life, in which I find myself now, and which is not a nice place to be in.
The correct criterion that should guide my every single decision that I make in life, and to which I want to publicly commit now, is not “Is that nice?” but “Is that wise?”
What is the wisest way to deal with this person, with this situation, with this money, with this time that I have?
It may be that this may sometimes involve giving responses that may come across as rude but it leads to better outcomes for me and the people around me.
One of the ways my foolishness has manifested itself most evidently was in my stewardship of money.
Throughout my life, and including this year, I have been “wise” (i.e. frugal), when it came to giving for the kingdom of God but absolutely reckless when it came to spending money on myself and on women I liked (which is also on myself, by extension), when it should be the exact opposite way.
I cannot change myself. But I recognise my desperate need to change, to turn away from my foolish old ways and to commit to following wisdom where it leads me. I know that I am incapable of doing that but I also know God, who can do what no man can; and so I hereby repent of my old ways and declare that I am open to him working this change in me. I want to change, so help me God.
I recognise my lack of and need for wisdom and trust in the promise
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
- James 1:5
When people remember me, I want them to say about me:
“Er hat sich der Weisheit verschrieben.“
chri7im 